Allrighty then.....

I got up this AM and started my usual routine....go to the bathroom, turn on the shower, get underwear out, turn on TV and......I was totally stumped.  Something just didn't feel right.  What was it?  I looked around....and finally opened my medicine cabinet. OMG!  I hadn't taken any of my daily prescriptions or supplement....for about 4 days!  No wonder....not only was I not taking my antidepressant, I was going cold turkey off of it.  That is not good at all.  I hadn't taken my Nexium....stomach problems.  I hadn't taken my Acyclovir.  I'm so surprised that my lips aren't covered with cold sores.  No calcium, no magnesium, no biotin, no everything.  This is one of the worst memory problems I've had.

I got to work in Microbiology by myself today.  It was like coming home.  I've been training for so long that I haven't done any work by myself.  It felt good.

I'm knitting again.  I'm making a baby sweater that is called Summer Chills Cardigan.  I finally settled on a yarn after spending about $70 on fingering yarn (another pattern).  I just couldn't decide on one....and I figured I could always use it for socks.  I bought a cheap acrylic that won't get harmed in washing and drying.  Best thing for a new mom.  I really wanted to use wool, but I knew that wouldn't fly. 

So things are looking up.  I see a bit of hope again.

I took this picture in Maui about 11 months ago....wish I was back there.  Oh my co-worker is there now.  I will live it through him!

I understand that people....

have lives.  In fact, I have one, too.  I can't even get to my knitting group every week because of how often I go to Vernonia.  So......I've been weepy all day.  No matter the topic at work, I would tear up.  About 11:40AM. I felt like I got hit with a lightning bolt.  Instantly I was sweating, got nauseated, was shaking so I thought the usual.....hypoglycemia which happens to me now and then.  I ate a piece of candy that I keep around just in case and my nausea only got worse.  By the time I left STD clinic and went back to the Lab, I was on the verge of vomiting.  Needless to say, I came home.  While waiting on the Max I called Susan.  Told her about my feelings.....like I posted about yesterday and of course, she gets it.  But.....as we discussed people have lives and I just need to let it ago.  She has a friend who started a group (that's how Susan met her friend)and it eventually fell apart.  People have lives.  But I think my situation is a bit different.  My group people left and started another group!  OK.....this is it.  GET OVER IT! 

On a new note, I was told I was beautiful today....from a man!  Another guy last week called me beautiful, too, but he's gay.  Does that count? 

I feel like I have been

betrayed.  And I'm sure this feeling is all part of my PTSD.  But the facts are facts.  The knitting group I started about 3 years is about within an inch of its life.  When I first started it, it took months to take off, but I stuck with it.  thenwe had 12-13 every week!  I was so pleased.  But "people" got discouraged with the location for several good reasons and we agreed to move.  That move was the beginning of the downfall.  I heard via the grapevine that some people were offended and started their own group.  We were suddenly down to 4-5 people on a good day.  No one came to talk to me.....or ask questions...or anything.  Now they were suddenly gone.  So now the group rarely has more than 1-2 people there.  One person told me they were just done.....what did I go?  I don't know because no one talks.  They just shrink away.  I have no options of attending other groups because of my work.  Now people aren't even posting on Ravelry on the thread I started.  No wonder I feel abandoned.  OK....I give up.  If my personality or whatever is that bad, I guess I should "get it" and get on with my life.

I finally settled on a pattern and yarn for a baby sweater.  It's made of fingering and I think the baby will be born in June before I ever get this done.  I'm already taking a short break from it.  I will probably carry it with me everywhere so I can work on it when any chance comes around. 

My poor grandson....tangled with a baseball.

Brendyn, I hope this doesn't happen again!