this week. It was liberating! I went several hours without thinking about pain because I had no pain! OMG! It has been years since I have felt like this. I feel in control of my fibro now instead of it controlling my life like it has. I did something today that I haven't done in probably 10 years or more. I danced....and danced. Tuesday afternoon I took my last vicodin. I was tired of the side effects and it just wasn't doing the job anymore. I didn't want a higher dosage. I talked to my rheumatologist who told me about an alternative pain medication. I started it Wednesday morning. The miracle drug? Buprenorphine. This drug was developed to treat opiate addiction. It attaches to the same receptors in the brain as the opiates do, but it doesn't give any high. It was found that it also helped with people who have intractable chronic pain. My dr said that quite a few patients have had good luck with it. So, I figured, why not. I love it. I'm not chained to my watch alarm because I was taking the vicodin every 4 hours. I'm currently taking the buprenorphine every 12 hrs. I went to a wedding today and I'm currently achy from the dancing, but it was totally worth it just to be able to dance.
This is one of my favorite pictures that I took while I was in Maui.
everything, but knitting. Most people think that knitting is just knitting. But every project is an adventure. I'm a process knitter. I love watching my progess, I love changing things a bit, I love doing complicated patterns and I love the way I feel when I'm knitting.....calm, relaxed, and knowing I will have a finished sock or shawl or whatever ready for someone's use. I love the feel of the yarn, especially the squishyness. I love that I can carry sock projects with me wherever I go. I even love questions like "What are you crocheting?" which make me laugh. Knitting is joy....even when I get frustrated from a hard pattern and bored from a pattern that is too simple. I love talking to my knitting friends about knitting. I love sharing patterns. I love talking about our projects and about how hard or simple they are. I've never had a hobby (I don't like that word here, but I can't think offhand of an appropriate word) before that I can always have with me. And I've even designed 2 patterns. That's the craziness of it all. I'm not creative! I would love to be able to design freely with no work worries. It's a wonderful dream. So I knit when I'm sad. I knit when I'm tired. I knit when I'm commuting. I knit in bed. How could I have lived my life so long without knitting in my life?
week-end. My dining room was loaded with stuff for recycling and I got it all out and into the bin on Thursday and Friday. Saturday I got up early (for me) and started work on the living room. I had incentive to get things picked up as the cable guy came Sat AM. I went to my knitting group in the afternoon, came home and did some more work. I was rather tired around 7PM so I gave up. Sunday I was exhausted and sore, but I got another big project done. Wow....it feels so good!
fibromyalgia for awhile. It is getting worse....slowly. Today I am home sick. My upper body feels great, but from the waist down, the pain is really bad. I was in bed until 3PM. I had to get up when my hips started burning. I'm sitting downstairs now and they still burn.
I'm tired of taking vicodin for the pain and told my specialist that. He gave me information about 2 other treatments and I'm hoping that at my next appt, we can make the change.
I'm having a worse time getting out of bed. It hurts to move and I still want to sleep. I've rigged up a couple of alarm clocks, but sometimes that still doesn't work. I have to work so I have to figure out the pain and sleep thing.
I just watched one of the most boring movies I've ever seen in my life. It's written by a guy here in Portland, is about Portland and shows Portland as a bad place to get stuck in. It's called Wendy and Lucy. I wouldn't recomend it to anyone.
Susan made this for me and I choose the colors. It's pale grey with purple trim. Those are my 2 favorite colors along with black. I've received so many compliments on it. Good job, Susan!
when I last wrote. It's the worst I've left in a long time. I did come out of it by Monday but still......I was in the pits! Feels good to be out of it.
Work has been good this week. The boss and our good-for-nothing guy were out both Monday and Tuesday. The whole atmosphere at work changes when they are gone. I do not like the tension level when they are there.
Our microbiology person retired (altho she's supposed to be working this month) and I asked the boss last summer if I could take over. She beat around the bush and didn't say yes or no. So I asked her again in early December. Again she beats around the bush. OK....so officially no one is in charge of Micro. My BS is in Micro and I've done a lot of medical micro.....more so than any other person there. Know why she doesn't want me there?
1. I know way more than she does about Micro....in fact, I know more about running a lab and regulations than she does. She really hates that.
2. I would make changes in the testing we do. Our methods are very archaic.....doing tests the way I did in my med tech training 30 years ago!
So I just don't see it happening. She'll use some excuse, but I'm not going to let her get away with whatever she tells me.
I'm tired and I need to knit.
I do or decision I make is wrong. I thought I had talked myself out of that, but here I am again. I wanted to stay home this week-end and get things done around the house since I have 3 days off. I was going to put all my junk in the living away, etc. Friday started out great. I had energy and got the kitchen and bathroom cleaned, did laundry and changed my bed still feeling great. Sat AM I didn't get out of bed until 1:30. I woke up early enough, but just couldn't move. I finished the toe on my sock and did some sudoku puzzles. By the time I got up and showered, I was extremely exhausted and in pain. I literally sat on the couch the whole rest of the day. I hurt and even going upstairs caused my heart to pound and I had to gasp for air. I DID NOTHING ALL DAY! Do you know how much I hate that part of me? I wanted to control the fibro and now it's controlling me. I should have gone to Susan's and at least I could have sat there and be around the kids. I screwed up again. Even small decisions I make are wrong. This is why I hate making decisions. I want new curtains....afraid of getting the wrong size. I'm making a sweater....think I made the wrong decision on the yarn and I'm not enjoying working on it. And I have tons of little decisions that I make that aren't right. So why? I don't make a decision lightly. I think of all aspects before I do. I look at the positives and the negatives.....I still get it wrong. So because I can't decide what to do with all my stuff, it's all over the living room. (I just deleted a ranting....I don't want to do that.)
I need you, God, to help me with my decisions. I will pray more about them and listen to your voice. Hear my prayer, O Lord.
