Twenty-one

Twenty-one years ago today my life changed in the worst way possible.  I was at my parent's with my daughter, Susan, and my sister, Deana and we were relaxing outside in the beautiful, sun-filled day.  Amy was driving 275 miles to join us so the whole family could celebrate my parent's 50th anniversary the next day, June 17, 1989. It was late in the afternoon and we had moved to the back part of the yard to sit under the willow tree. My dad yelled out the door to my mom that she had a phone call. We heard her scream and we all went running inside the house. Amy had died in a car wreck about 40 miles away. The police had trouble tracking down someone to notify, but she had her father's parents address on her driver's license. The police called her grandparents, grandma called Amy's father and he called my mother.....not me, my mother. At the time my husband was in Alaska working on a Coast Guard cutter at the Exxon oil spill. (Exxon did one thing right, they paid for a roundtrip ticket for him to come home). No more details. I don't want to rehash the rest, but the next week was pure hell. Then after my mother died 6 years later, I found it that she had faked her wedding date because she'd been pregnant when they got married. Lies....she did live with a lot of lies and secrets, but that meant that all of us kids did, too. Well, enough...this is about Amy. She was beautiful, extremely intelligent (IQ over 130), independent, strong, sure of herself and a go-getter. She had just finished her sophomore year of college in chemical engineering. She also worked part-time at Arby's and was a supervisor. How do you oversome this? In a nutshell, you don't. You just try to get through the day in any way possible just to survive. So here I am, 21 years later and it still hurts. I took today off work because I just can't hold it together all the time. I usually work both June 11 and June 16, but not this year. I did work June 11, but told no one what was going on. Everyone knows about Amy, but I don't think anyone remembers the dates. I just spend the morning running a few errands that I can't do during the week. In fact, I had to buy 2 new tires for my car because I'd been neglecting taking care of it. (procrastinating as usual) I got my blood drawn for testing which I was supposed to do about 2 months ago. And I got my glassed adjusted because I'm tired of the red spots on my nose and the pain behind the ears. Then I treated myself with a good lunch out....no fast food, but at a real restaurant! So although I've been knitting, I'm having a pity party for myself....is it really a pity party? No....just the pain of having lost a child.