It's the last day of 2010!

I'm so glad this year is over.  It certainly hasn't been the worst year I've ever had, but it does rank up there fairly high.  I'm determined that 2011 will be a great year.  With God's help, it will happen.

The fibro has been one reason the year was bad.  I've missed quite a bit of work (for me, that is) and I'm constantly at about 12 hours sick leave.  I earn it; I use it. One reason why 2011 will be better is that I told my rheumatologist that I'm tired of the vicodin.  I want to quit taking it and he gave me 2 options.  I've read about both of them and I don't know if one is better than the other. I see him in 2 weeks and I'm actually excited about this visit.  I'm really praying for a big change to happen with the fibro. 

My knitting is going well.  I have been in a few slumps, but got right back into the swing of things.  I've made 2 shawls and want to knit more.  Of course, I've made quite a few socks.  I'm also working on a sweater.....boring, but cute.  My niece just gave birth yesterday to a beautiful daughter. I made 4 pairs of baby socks and a sweater.  They were fun to do.

Work is weird.  That's OK, except I have to work for 8 more years! I don't want to, but I need the higher retirement money.  I suspect that my health will be in charge, tho, and tell me when to quit.

I had much to say, but it's left my mind.  That happens way too often. 

I'm spend my New Year's Eve with Max....my kitty.  I'm watching movies, knitting, doing laundry and checking out the net.  Oops....dryer just buzzed.  Gotta make the bed if I want to sleep tonight!

I didn't plan to wait.....

this long to write again.  It's the fatigue again.  I did go to the dr this last week and had some lumbar X-rays done.  The positions I had to be in hurt so I'm hoping they show something that can easily be fixed.

I broke down and bought myself some clothes.  I probably only buy clothes about twice a year or so, so it's a big deal for me.  I bought 3 sweaters and a pair of pants.  Last night I went shopping to Kohl's to buy some jeans.  My body must be weird.  I tried on 5 pairs and only 1 fit.  I was in love with all the sweaters they have.  I can't wear them to work because it's too hot so I bought a couple of long-sleeved T-shirts.  I feel decked out for the year!  My 1st ex refused to let me buy clothes.  Even after all these years, I still hear "you don't need this". 

I really don't like how things from our far past or even from the past before we were even born can still haunt us. 

I'm knitting two different things...a pair of socks and a sweater.  Both are easy.....I needed that.  I originally started a sweater that wasn't complicated, but the pattern got lost in the yarn.  I just wasn't loving it.  I found a pattern in a new magazine.  It's just 2X2 rib, but it goes in different directions.  It's so easy that I can easily take it anywhere and not worry about making a mistake.  It feels good to be knitting a sock again.  I made a bunch of baby socks and a baby sweater for my niece.  I was going to block it this week-end and didn't even touch it.  The baby is due in a couple of weeks!  I'd better get busy because it's a newborn size!

Finally!

My son-in-law came over Saturday and fixed my water heater, furnace, bed and computer and a few other things.  I feel more human than I have in a long time.  I'm so thankful for Dan.  He also brought Hennessy and Brendyn.  They helped me carry stuff to the recycling bin.  I took them to Imagination Station to play. It is a huge play structure and they love it.  It was a beautiful, warm day and I enjoyed myself, also. 

Summer, Part III

Just about everything in my house has problems.  Can't get my laptop to link up correctly with the wireless router......bought it last April.  I have toxic mold in my office because of a roof leak several years ago.  I can't afford to fix that although if I ever sell, I will have to have something done.  The air conditioner died.  The furnace makes a horrible metal-on-metal sound when it kicks on and when it kicks off.  It's so loud I have to turn the volume on the TV high enough to wake the whole neighborhood.  And now.....just a few days ago, my water heater quite working.  I've been having cold "spit baths"  and my hair is just plain dirty.  I am in total overwhelm....as usual.  And I'm continually thinking "What's next?".  Oh....I forgot one thing....I lost my cell phone.  That whole thing was a nightmare.  Actually a guy at Sprint went out of his way to help me.  I didn't have my phone insured and there lies the problem.  Just try to get a new phone while you are still on contract......just glad I have one after losing mine 2 months ago.  Oops.....forgot another one.  I have a bed like a sleep number.  My side won't hold the air.  I wake up every morning like a pretzel.  Yes, I know.....sleep on the other side.  I tried and it didn't work.  So every night before I go to bed, I pump it up......that's a fun 3-4 minutes.  Sometimes on the week-end, I will get up early, pump up the bed and go back to sleep.

On a positive note, I am getting some help on Saturday with a few things.  Until then, I will keep having cold "baths" and pumping up my bed.  I know the furnace, air conditioner (I'll worry about it next August) and ceiling won't get fixed, but a nice hot shower and good nights sleep will do wonders for my attitude which sucks right now.

Summer, Part II

Another bad things about my summer was my health.  I had a constant flare for about 3 months.  Every day was a struggle.  It wasn't so much the pain, but mostly it was the fatigue.  I was just dead tired every day.  Sleep was elusive.  I had quite a few vacation days where I did things with the grandchildren.  I felt terrible that I felt bad....know what I mean?  I tried to keep up with the kids and to keep smiling.  I failed at the State Fair.  I got cranky....how on earth could I be cranky to the kids?  That day I did hurt.  My right hip and lower back really hurt along with my right upper back that usually causes problems.  I used my Zynex.  It's like a TENS unit, but it's not.  The Zynex uses a higher frequency and goes deeper into the muscle than TENS.  It's a good thing.  It's portable and I often take it with me when I travel. 

I'm feeling somewhat better.  The pain is mostly totally tolerable.  I'm still having an issue with fatigue, but it's better than it was.  I'm still not sleeping as well as I should be.  My goodness, I take a handful of pills every bedtime.  One of them would knock anyone out in a few minutes and keep them asleep all night.  Oh, yeah, this is one of the reasons fibro sucks.

One thing I've learned over the years is to be consistent about taking my pain meds.  If I forget for even a half hour, it's hard to get it back in control.  I have a wristwatch with 3 alarms.  Works like a charm!

Enough about my health.  I get tired of talking about it, but if someone asks, I tell them.  Of course, I say I'm doing great when I talk to someone who doesn't know me very well. 

Summer, Part 1

This has been a terrible summer....one I hope to never have again. Rather than talk about everything in one post, I will cover each subject one at a time.

The most devasting was the death of my sister, Deana Long. Deana is 9 years older than I. I don't think she liked having a baby sister....she did get stuck babysitting more than I'm sure she ever wanted to. We've had a rough relationship, but in all that time, I truly loved her. Her first cancer diagnosis was about 1990....breast. Having weathered that, she did well until about 2 years ago. Again she was diagnosed with cancer, but this time it was uterine. I am convinced the chemo for her breast cancer caused the uterine cancer. She had surgery and chemo and chemo and chemo. I tried to visit as often as I could, but as you all know, the world gets in your way. But several times I did go and stay 2 days. During one of our long talks, we found out why our relationship had some rough spots. Our mother lied and kept secrets. Her lies contibuted to Amy's death. With her lies and secrets, she created bad feelings among all of the 4 siblings. Do I sound a bit angry? You bet. I made a vow a long time ago to never treat my children or grandchildren the way I and my grandchildren were treated. Anyway, I felt like Deana and I resolved some major issues. (My older brother, Jim, just refuses to hear anything about Mom and our relationships) I received a call from Deana's husband that I'd better get up there. I rushed up there on Sat, Sept 24 and she was in a coma. I stayed 3 days crying and sobbing and talking with her. I didn't want to leave Monday evening, but I did. She passed into the glory of Heaven about 24 hours later. Her funeral was Friday, Oct 1 and I felt strangely at peace. She was suffering so much that I didn't want her to live another hour and now she is PERFECT! Praise God that He takes care of us.

Twenty-one

Twenty-one years ago today my life changed in the worst way possible.  I was at my parent's with my daughter, Susan, and my sister, Deana and we were relaxing outside in the beautiful, sun-filled day.  Amy was driving 275 miles to join us so the whole family could celebrate my parent's 50th anniversary the next day, June 17, 1989. It was late in the afternoon and we had moved to the back part of the yard to sit under the willow tree. My dad yelled out the door to my mom that she had a phone call. We heard her scream and we all went running inside the house. Amy had died in a car wreck about 40 miles away. The police had trouble tracking down someone to notify, but she had her father's parents address on her driver's license. The police called her grandparents, grandma called Amy's father and he called my mother.....not me, my mother. At the time my husband was in Alaska working on a Coast Guard cutter at the Exxon oil spill. (Exxon did one thing right, they paid for a roundtrip ticket for him to come home). No more details. I don't want to rehash the rest, but the next week was pure hell. Then after my mother died 6 years later, I found it that she had faked her wedding date because she'd been pregnant when they got married. Lies....she did live with a lot of lies and secrets, but that meant that all of us kids did, too. Well, enough...this is about Amy. She was beautiful, extremely intelligent (IQ over 130), independent, strong, sure of herself and a go-getter. She had just finished her sophomore year of college in chemical engineering. She also worked part-time at Arby's and was a supervisor. How do you oversome this? In a nutshell, you don't. You just try to get through the day in any way possible just to survive. So here I am, 21 years later and it still hurts. I took today off work because I just can't hold it together all the time. I usually work both June 11 and June 16, but not this year. I did work June 11, but told no one what was going on. Everyone knows about Amy, but I don't think anyone remembers the dates. I just spend the morning running a few errands that I can't do during the week. In fact, I had to buy 2 new tires for my car because I'd been neglecting taking care of it. (procrastinating as usual) I got my blood drawn for testing which I was supposed to do about 2 months ago. And I got my glassed adjusted because I'm tired of the red spots on my nose and the pain behind the ears. Then I treated myself with a good lunch out....no fast food, but at a real restaurant! So although I've been knitting, I'm having a pity party for myself....is it really a pity party? No....just the pain of having lost a child.

Amy

This is a bad 2 weeks.....Amy was born June 11, 1969 and died June 16, 1989.  I don't know why I'm having more emotional problems this year than usual, but I am.  I was teary at work, but no one noticed.  All my senses are on superhigh.....they are on high anyway, but more so than usual.  Last evening while walking to the Max, I could even feel the stitches from my socks on the bottom of my feet.  Who ever feels that?  Well, I did.  When I get blue, I get cranky, but I don't want to say anything at work.  It still hurts and I still feel a hole in my heart that will never go away. 

I had an appt for my yearly physical this morning with my PCP.  He said something to me that I've never heard before.  "Thank you for taking care of yourself".  OMG, I know that I'm healthy aside from the fibro.  I have low cholesterol and low blood pressure.  Thank you, Mom and Dad!  I really don't take that good of care of myself.  The fibro keeps me down.  I don't exercise and I eat terribly.  Usually I'm nauseated and tired enough in the evening that even having a bowl of cereal is sometimes a struggle.  But I'm very pleased with my appt.  I also got a ton of free samples! 

It's still cold and rainy here.  I'm sure that is adding to my sadness.  It's supposed to be sunny and warm this week-end, but I'm NOT holding my breath.  I hate Portland and this is the main reason.

Now I'm really

showing myself as a procrastinator.  It's been a month since I was here.  I had the best time in Maui.....I would live there if it wasn't for family here.  The trip home was uneventful.  I hated getting back to cold, rainy weather.  It's the same now only a month later!  June 3.....I can't believe everyone is still wearing a coat. 

My fibro has steadily got worse since I got home.  I hurt a lot and the nausea is coming on full force.  Usually if I eat something, it goes away, but this time not eating is making it better.  It's 8:40PM and I probably won't eat until after 9.....a bowl of cereal.  That's about all I can take.  I'm not sleeping well, either.  It's 2 more week before I see my Drs.  Personally, I don't think anything will change.  Life is just a struggle now.  I've even lost my knitting mojo!  I was knitting a pair of socks.....knitting each end of the ball doing 2 at a time.  Took awhile before I realized one sock was on a size 1US needle and the other on a size 2US!  How incredibly stupid!  I haven't started anything for a couple of days now. 

This is one of my favorite photos.  I took it at a botanical garden on the road to Hana.  I love those colors.  The peacock was quite the poser.  I got a lot of pictures of him strutting around.








This is my new sock design.  I took this picture at a road side stand that sold sandwiches, smoothies, ice cream, etc.  Notice the Christmas decorations?  I love this picture...I didn't even think to pose it.  I just threw the sock down.

And one last photo......my trip home on the airplane.

Maui

I was going to keep a Maui diary, but that fell by the wayside real quick.  My laptop only works occasionally at the condo.....sometimes on one side of the lanai table, and sometimes the other.  Never works inside.  At the pool, I was able to get on, but would get knocked off quickly.  Really strange.  Now I'm in the condo office.  There are few computers here to use.

This is has been a fantastic trip.  We went to the Maui Onion Festival on Saturday where we got a huge plate of Maui deep-fried onion rings for $5.  Later we had dinner at Bubba Gump's which is right on the ocean....literally.  I had coconut shrimp that was to die for!  Then we went to "Ulalena" which is a musical production about the beginnings of Hawaii.  The singing and dancing was spectacular, but the music held most of my attention.  The percussionist was a joy to watch and I fell in love with the male lead singer.  It was worth every penny.

Today I "accidently" slept in until 10AM.  I was so comfy, cozy in my king-sized bed with the breeze blowing through the windows.  Our room is on the 4th floor.  My bedroom is a loft.  Our lanai is huge and overlooks the ocean and the pools and gardens of the complex.  Our orginal room sucked and we asked for a better one.  We got the best! 

We drove upcountry Friday.  I bought a couple of arty items and had lunch at the best Mexican restaurant I've been at in years.....a little hole in the wall that was full of locals.  Then you know it's good food. 

Plans for the next few days?  We'll figure that out sometime.  Aloha!

Oh my gosh!

There are so many things to talk about, but it's late.  For now, I talked to Deana this evening and she's doing well.  She's trying to decide whether to do radiation or not.  I hope she doesn't.  I think it will just make her more miserable.  I want her to be well while she's dying.  That was a stupid comment, but I wish that for everyone.  No reason to endure pain and burns.

I'm leaving for Maui on Wed, April 28th, 2010.  I can hardly stand it!  I started packing tonight and I hope to take tomorrow afternoon off.  We'll see.  Boss has been gone for 3 days so I haven't been able to get her approval.

Had appts with my specialists on Friday.  Mostly I went to get my injections before I leave.  I do not want my back hurting while I'm gone.  It was suggested I try melatonin again as there is no literature that says it causes diarrhea.  Well, I took it and guess what.  Yes....it happened again this AM.  I bought a smalled dosage tonight so I'll see if it is better. 

Aloha for now!

Life goes on

I decided to go to Seattle Friday to see my sister, Deana.  I was going to just go up for the day stopping in Chehalis to see my brother.  But a wonderful friends who has a condo in Seattle invited me to stay there over night.  That was so cool.  Deana looks well except the surgery staples that are all over her body.  She had a large skin graft on her neck as well as incisions up from her tail bone, under her arm and up the front side.  I can't imagine how horrible it is.  There was nothing the dr's could do about the tumors in her lungs.  This surgery was only to make her more comfortable as she is dying.

It was good to see my brother again.  He looks so much like my dad.  When I first spotted him, I almost collapsed thinking it was Dad.  We had a good visit.

I had a horrible flashback thanks to my sister's husband.  He said some things to me that my abusive ex used to say to me.  I would have got up and left, but for my sister's sake, I sat and took it.  I cried all the way home, all evening and am crying right now.  I hate how something like this can come back and bring all those feelings to the surface.  I've been working years and years to get past this.  PTSD.....I can understand how soldiers can react when they have a flashback.  My PTSD is nothing like theirs and I still reacted this way. 

I was so exhausted yesterday that I slept in today longer than I wanted.  But once I got up, I did the one thing that absolutely needed to get done....my taxes.  I used one website that I wasn't happy with at all.  So I used another and now I get a healthy amount of money back......more than enough to pay for my Hawaii trip and my new laptop.  I've been knitting today, too.  Still had a hard time with my pattern.....no reason at all.  It's not difficult, but I think my brain has been in another place.  Today I did much better.

Life goes on.....there's nothing we can do to change it.  It just happens.  I didn't plan on my sister dying, I didn't plan on her husband being verbally abusive and I didn't plan for that website to screw up my taxes.  I can only fix what happens. 

I know God is testing me, but for the life of me, I can't figure it out.  I feel so stupid.  I even pray for Him to reveal to me what He wants me to do.  I pray for guidance.  I pray for strength.  Maybe I'll have to wait for heaven. 

Deana

My sister had surgery today.  Her husband, John, called late in the afternoon to tell me what was happening.  The surgery took 10 hours because the tumor was much, much worse than the surgeon expected.  It was so adhered to the aorta that they couldn't cut it off.  They had to shave it.  The tumor went up over her shoulder and some muscles had to be totally removed.  Her left arm has no function now.  She also had a skin graft where the tumor was about to protrude from the skin on her neck.  The lymph nodes in her neck were positive for cancer so they know the lung lesions are cancerous, too.  Deana is in ICU and will be there a couple of days.  She will spend quite a few days in the hospital before she can come home.  John said that she will start radiation in about 6 weeks.  I guess that's hopeful.  All I could think about today was Deana.  I think I was in constant prayer for her safety.  I've never seen anyone as ill as this and it's so hard....she is my sister.  We don't want our siblings to die.  Even though I lost Amy, this is still very hard for me.  I will probably go up to Seattle on Friday.  I need to see her.

I finally figured out.....

what was causing my diarreha......about 6 weeks of it!  After a miserable night about 2 weeks ago, I finally went to the doctor.  He ordered a whole lot of tests and told me he thinks it might be sudden onset milk intolerance.  I read up on it and it does exist.  I stopped milk, but the big D didn't go away.  So next I stopped TripleFlex....glucosamine, chondroitin and hyaluronic acid.  It can cause D, but it didn't go away.  I also did a bunch of tests at work which were all negative.  This went on for quite some time before I had a brainstorm last Thursday at midnight.  Melatonin!  All my research said nothing about D, but I stopped it and the D is gone!  Wow....finally.  I'm proud that I figured this out on my own.

I had a wonderful Easter with the family.  Mostly I knit and watched TV.  Dinner was awesome.  Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice for my life.  Thank you for your grace.

I visited my sister, Deana, on Friday.  She has metastatic cancer and is having surgery tomorrow.  There's a growth that started in her neck (and ignored by her dr for some time.....that pissed me off) and is wrapping itself around her aorta.  There are 3 outcomes:
     1.   She doesn't survive the surgery.
     2.   She survives, but her arm is paralyzed and her voicebox will be affected.
     3.   She makes it with no complications.

Of course, I am praying for #3.  She is OK with whatever happens, but I'm not.  I want my sister around.....my only sister.  We had some good talks this past year.  We found out our mother played us against each other.  How horrible....how can a mother do that to her children?  I think it made both of us good mothers.  My mother did all kinds of awful things to us....not physical.....just psychological.  That's just as bad in my book.  No wonder I have PTSD.  Between that and my abusive first marriage, it was bound to happen.  Wait....this is about my sister.  I want her happy and healthy again.  I will be praying all day for her.  I also put in a prayer request at both Susan's church and my church.  Thank God for computers and email.

These picture were taken last summer.  The top one is me and Deana.  On the bottom is Deana and her wonderful husband, John.

The day after

Yesterday was my birthday.  I can't believe I feel this old.  It's not possible.....but, yeah, it is.  It was an ordinary day.....I got some "Happy Birthday"s at work and a phone call from the grandkids.  Now that was special.

I came home from work today because of....well....it's an awkward subject here, but certainly not at work.  Let's just say I probably have a gut virus.  I was worried about getting home on the Max....but I made it.  Napped a short time. 

I'm designing a new pattern for Kim who is retiring soon.  I need to go play around with it and see if I need to make any changes.  I'm also doing the Mystery Sock on Ravelry.  I find I can easily knit it on the Max so I'm saving it for that.  The next clue doesn't come out until 9PM Sunday anyway.  I have plenty of time to finish clue 3. 

One and a half years

It has been about 1½ years since I've felt "well" or not sick.   There were days I just wanted it all to end.  But the last 3 weeks have been awesome.  I have enery back.....not a ton of it, but enough to have some left in the evenings.  My pain has dropped from a 5-6 out of 10 level to about 3-4.  It's incredible to me since I thought things would never change. 

I finally posted the pattern I designed, Curvalicious, on Ravelry.  I am totally amazed at the people who have queued it or who love it.  When I figure out how to link the pattern here, I will post it. 

My birthday is tomorrow.  I can't believe I'm going to be 61!  It's mind-boggling to me since I don't feel anywhere near that.  I think I'm really in my mid-twenties.  Most of my closest friends are in their 30's and 40's.  It's probably because I definitely don't act my age.

I was in the area and thought.....

I would drop in.  There's really not much to say.  I've had several bad, bad days in which I had to leave work early and then I've had a few great days.  I wish I knew what causes the bad days......but in all my years, I can't figure it out.  That's the nature of fibro.

I did a lot of knitting and actually knit a sock I called "Rememberin Amy".  The colorway of the yarn is called Amy and it's very bold in pink, red and yellow.  It was a fun, fast knit using slip stitches.  I also knit a sock for SKA called "Grace Note".  The pictures for the pattern were lousy and I almost passed it up.  I'm glad I didn't.  It's gorgeous, enough so that others now want to knit it.  Too bad it doesn't fit me.  I need to find someone with bigger feet and give them a gift.  Who is worthy of my knitting?

This is Susan's cat Josie with my Amy sock.  She had peach and gray long hair and can be very obnoxious!

 And this is Grace Note in Pumpkin.

I am becoming

my fibromyalgia.  I absolutely hate even the thought of it.  But it is starting......well, it has been ruling my life.  The fatigue is the worst.  I had big hopes for getting things done on this holiday (President's Day).  I didn't wake up until 11:30AM and I'm very fatigued today.  I've done nothing today except to knit and talk to Susan on the phone.  How do I change what I am when what I am cannot be changed? 

Busy

I've been busy lately!  That's so unlike me.  I'm usually in a vegetative state.  I did lots of things 2 week-ends ago.....the last week-end in January, I think.  I had knitting group.  I adore going there.  I went to Border's afterward and bought a couple of books and a magazine....knitting, of course.  Then I went to church.  I love church......I wish I could be at Mountain View Christian Church every week-end.  But I do love Vernonia Christian Church, too.  They are polar opposites according to me.  One is small and old-fashioned and the other is very big and always on the move.  I love them both for different reasons. 

I'm slowly feeling a bit better.  It's slow, but I have noticed the difference, especially by Fridays.  On Saturday, Susan, Hennessy and I went to Costco....I was worn out after that.  We ate lunch at Sonic and then went to the grocery store.  I drove home, but it's so different than driving by yourself at night.  Having someone to talk with made the drive so much easier.  I napped for 1½ hours when we got home.  Susan and I scrubbed her bathroom from top to bottom.  And I wasn't even sore the next day.

Susan and Dan had a Super Bowl Party.  There were twice as many children as adults.....maybe even more since Brendyn had a couple of friends over, too.  I got to hold 2 3½ month old babies.....they are so adorable.  I loved their laughs. 

I did fine at work today.  I had a good afternoon in STD clinic.  What a difference it makes to not get slides to read and urines to dip.  All I really did was keep the paperwork straight and pour off the GC/CT urines into their containers.  I even had time to spend on Ravelry....not much, but more than I have in the last month. 

What a difference a day makes...

I was back to "normal" on Tuesday.  In fact, I kept getting worse until Friday when I called in sick.  I had forgotten I had a specialist appt until I checked my voice mail the night before so it worked out well.  I told him I was this far from giving up.  I also told him that when the pain is really bad, I take an extra vicodin.  He was OK with that.  Several years ago I fell on concrete and landed on my tailbone. I asked an ER doc if I needed to have it checked out.  Whether the coccyx is broken or not, the Rx is the same.  I had to sit on a donut hole pillow for about 2 months and I had no other problems.  Well, guess what?  The bad pain is back.  He said he could inject the coccyx, but after he described the gruesome procedure to me, I decided to live with it as long as I can.  I'm also going to try physical therapy.  It's very close to a Max stop so it will work for me.  I'll either have to get up early or take time off work in the evening.  We'll see......

I can't knit tonight.  I think it's because I can't concentrate because of the pain. I knit 2 rows and rip out 3.  So I'm not getting very far.


Susan, Hennessy and I are having a girl's day out tomorrow.  We haven't done anything together for way too long.  We will have lunch and go to a movie and then maybe some shopping.  I just hope I feel better....so I'd better get to bed earlier tonight.

Avatar!

I took myself to see AVATAR in 3-D.  It was fabulous!  I went early to make sure I got a good seat....good thing....the theater filled up.  I relaxed and knitted while waiting.  Afterward I went shopping for groceries.  I bought meat and veggies to make soup.  I'm back doing Atkins and that soup is very low carb.  I was going to make a frittata, too, but since I'm visiting the family this week-end, I decided to wait until next week.  I'm feeling so down.....mostly because of the FM.  Yesterday I didn't even go downstairs until after 4PM.  Actually, my butt hurt by the time I finally made it to bed because I sat so much.  Today is much better.  I need to go finish my soup......!

I'm not making much progress

on my New Year's resolutions. I haven't gone to the grocery store since last year! I did stop at Walgreen's to buy milk and cereal. I was really craving it last night.

The exhaustion has been very bad. I'm literally forcing myself to go to work because I don't have much sick leave left....just a few hours. Monday evening after spending the week-end in Vernonia and having an extremely busy afternoon in STD clinic, I got home to a 53 degree house. The pilot light blew out and I don't think the temp ever got up to 70 before I went to bed. I sat around in my coat, hat and fingerless mitts trying to keep warm. I finally went to bed with the electric blanket on high. I could hardly move that evening because of the fatigue. I decided to ask my boss for Wed off....that's not only our slowest day at work, but it's a day when everyone is there. So first thing Tues AM, I asked and she said it was fine. I just wanted a day where I didn't HAVE to do anything. I woke up today at 9:30 and stayed in bed until 12:30. I showered, ate some cereal and knit. What an afternoon!

This is my granddaughter, Hennessy.  She has been posing some of my knit projects for my Ravelry groups.  She loves having her picture taken.  This is a 5 year old who is rough and tumble, but always wants to wear a dress.  Her mom makes sure she always has leotards underneath her dress.  Don't know where she picked that up.  It certainly wasn't from me!  Give me pants any day. 

Isn't she the sweetest thing you ever saw? 

Can I keep......

my New Year's resolutions? I usually don't make any, but this year I feel compelled to make a couple. And I want to keep them. The first is to eat better and hopefully lose weight. The last time I did this I ended up in the hospital for 3 days. Yes....really. I had a bowel obstruction from all those salads I was eating. I will have to be more careful cuz I certainly don't want to go through that again. On a pain scale of 1-10, it was about a 13!

My second resolution is to quit letting my fibro get in the way of my life. I can work through the pain, but I just can't get through the fatigue. I will work on that. I'm not sure what I'll do yet. I can't continue the way I am going now. Things need to be done around here. I started January 1 fixing things that have been unfixed for several years. The only problem I had was putting a light cover back on....it's on the celing and I can't see anything. My arms get very sore very quickly. I will try again today.