Happy New Year!

Here it is, almost 2 hours until midnight and I still haven't talked about Christmas. I had an awesome time with the kids. They get so excited over opening presents. I made socks for the grandkids and the boys wore theirs for 2 days! I love it.

Work was kinda slow this week. That was good because I haven't felt well all week. My back is hurting and I've had several people rub arnica gel on it. It helps a lot, but I think it's mostly the massaging on of the gel that helps.

I got a Happy New Year's kiss today! Too bad it's from a married guy I occasionally work with. He's so nice.....oh well. I told him to find someone for me!

I'm working on a new sock, of course. But for some reason I keep making errors so I'm faithfully counting each row as I finish. So far that is working. Susan and I are having our own Knit-A-Long.....the Echo Flower Shawl. She gave me more than enough lace weight yarn. She'll have it done long before I do. It's a shame I have to work.

I wish I had the words to say the things I want. I was raised in a household where we didn't elaborate or use fancy words at all. I talk and write tersely and to the point. I have a hard time expressing exactly what I'm feeling. Maybe I.....Maybe I should.....I just don't know. I think you have it as a writer or speaker or you don't. I don't. Now talk to me scientifically and I'm there!

Max was a bad boy tonight. Several years ago Susan got me a beautiful wooden sign that says "Pray". Max reached up and knocked it off the wall. It broke. I was so mad at him. He's outside and may stay there awhile. I think I can glue it back together. He's just been mean lately when I'm around. Is he getting mad at me for leaving him alone when I go to see the kids? He still cuddles with me a night, but I don't understand why he wants to knock everything off.....paper on the table, pictures on the wall, my water bottle on the floor, etc and etc. He's worse now than when he was a kitten. Do cats have second childhoods? Wish I knew.....

Tomorrow starts a new year. I don't think it's going to be any better than 2009. I don't get a raise or COLA and my prescriptions have sky-rocketed. My house is falling apart. I'm hurting...that's not going away. And did I mention that besides being a procrastinator I'm also a pessimist. The way I see it is like this....a pessimist will never be disappointed and if something good happens, it's wonderful. An optimist will often be disappointed and will be sad when things don't go their way. So.....if anything good happens to me this coming year, I'll be very excited. And if it doesn't....oh, well...I didn't expect anything, anyway.

I am praying that the world will be a better place and that no one has to go hungry, be without a home and suffer with pain.

I'm done!

I didn't think for a minute that I'd get my wrapping done before I left. But I did it! All done....ready to pack in the car. I've even had energy the last 3 days. I have to thank my friend, Carol. I didn't even need her to rub my back today. But I think I'll have her do it tomorrow before we go home. I'm hoping I can get off early. I'm used to driving to Vernonia, but it would be nice to drive while it's still light out.

I have about half of my foot to finish my sock. I'll be glad when it's done. I'm going to make a mini-sock keychain for my secret Santa at work. I'll get something else to go with it, but this person isn't forthcoming about her life so I have no idea what to get. I'll have to have a chat with Julie D. I use her every year to help me figure out what to get. She's one of the best people at work. She's too smart to be working there. She not a med tech, but can answer questions better than most med techs there. OK, I'm rambling.....I need to finish laundry and pack. I'm praying for a wonderful Christmas for all of us. And I'm praying for wonderful Christmas for everyone and the riches of God's blessing.

I did it!

I got my Christmas shopping done! I shopped all day Saturday with a break for knitting group and 7PM church (wonderful). Sunday, I just lazed around all day....looking at the things I bought and realizing that I needed a couple more things. After work tonight I went to K-Mart. I hadn't been there is years and I see I need to go more often. I got what I needed and also got a couple of things for myself. I'm a bag and purse nut. Since I commute I need both. I need a bag large enough to carry my knitting, a book, lunch, a liter water bottle and various and sundry items. I got them ½ price! So did I wrap presents? Heck, no! Now that wouldn't live up to my procrastination skills. I changed out the bags and knit on my socks. I have Tues and Wed to wrap and I can continue to wrap at Susan's if need be. Wow....I feel great.

I asked a co-worker, Carol, to rub some arnica gel on my back. Somehow her hand found my knot....the worst place on my whole body. She kneaded it well and for the first time in weeks, I had very little pain and could even raise my shoulder without hurting! I told her I'd pay her from now on.

Yes....a good day.

It's less than a week.....

until Christmas and I haven't bought a thing. I can't blame Amy's death on this as it's been 20 years and I can't blame my health, really. And it's not a financial thing. But it's more emotional..... like all my enthusiam is gone. And I don't know how to get it back. I love buying presents for the kids and I love seeing their faces when they open them. I have to make a commitment to get up early tomorrow on Saturday and spend the entire day shopping. Luckily I can rest for 2 hours at my knitting group.

Work is the same, old crap. Nothing like getting yelled at because you were the first person "she" saw. I ignored it and went back to work. What a crazy place! God, please help me!

Bad Day

I woke up this morning and couldn't get out of bed. It doesn't happen very often, but it is frustrating. I finally ventured out at 11AM to take my meds.....4 hours past due. The pain was so bad I could hardly walk. I began to feel halfway human again by 5PM. It's 8PM now and I've only progessed to about 55% human. At least I can sit at the computer for a short while. Days like this make me glad I can work.

I'm knitting like crazy.....

trying to get 2 pair of socks done by Christmas. I'm on the 2nd sock for Garrett and I'm on the first sock for Sock Knitters Anonymous on Ravelry. It's a gorgeous slip stitch pattern that I'm doing in purple and green. I love the pattern and I'm not bored at all.

Lot of pain and fatigue today. Weather? Could be....it's in the low 20's. I'm so glad I have an electric blanket so I can stay warm and cozy.

I did my own CBC today and my H&H are up! That's very good news. H&H is hemoglobin and hematocrit. They tell me how well the iron is helping me. Dr wanted me to take 3 pills a day, but I couldn't tolerate it. I've been taking 1 a day and it's working! I'm so pleased with that. I also got my blood drawn yesterday for a lot of other tests. I'll find out Friday when I have my Dr's appointment. Here's hoping......

If I could write a letter to me.....

1. Don't get hung up on the small stuff. Let it go....don't keep bringing it up.
2. Kiss and hug your children more and stop yelling at them.
3. Don't look for love. You won't find it....it will come to you if you will let it.
4. Be obedient to God. It's a lot less painful and God really does bless obedience.
5. Quit blaming your fibro for EVERYTHING. Yes, it affects your life....a lot, but there's a lot of
emotional baggage, too.
6. Get over it. Do whatever you need to do.....scream, cry, bitch, act like an idiot, but then let it
go.
7. Be content. You don't need "someone" or money or food or chocolate ice cream to make you
feel better.
8. Pray daily. Pray not only for yourself, but your friends, your church, your co-workers, the
needy, the homeless.
9. Let your family and friends know how much you love them. Tell them how important they
are to you. Tomorrow could be too late.
10. Love God.

I want everyone to......

remember during this Christmas season the mothers who have lost a child. This is one of the most difficult holidays for me since losing Amy. If you came into my house, you'd never know it was Christmas. And then my dad died on Christmas morning. My dad's love for me was the only sure thing I knew. So the loss of him was very hard on me, too......it still is. My mother's death, on the other hand, was not that big of deal. Sure, I cried for a day or two, but I don't miss her. I miss Amy and my dad.

Fibro, phone call and the end.

My fibro has been acting up on my back. I forgot to get Julie to rub arnica gel on it yesterday and the pain was so bad I almost took an extra pain pill. Today I accidently left it at home and so I rubbed it on the areas I could reach. It worked well. I'm so glad I decided to use it.

Susie called me this evening. She and I have been BFFs for almost 13 years. Although her mom is older than I am, we are totally in sync with each other. We know each other and understand each other like no other relationship I've had. She prayed for my health and for a decision that I had made, but didn't want to because the right decision was no, but my heart says yes. Just pray that I can remain strong.

It's so late and my eyes keep shutting. I think it's bedtime!

Fibro and

December

I can't believe it's December already. I feel like it's only June. Can I go back? I'm so cold all the time. Work temp is about 20-21 C and I wear a sweatshirt all the time. Sometimes I also put a sweatshirt on under my sweatshirt!

I'm working on a really cool pair of socks in purple and green. I can't wait to finish and post them.

Had a crazy thought this AM....and then it disappeared. OH well. I did read today that DHEA is supposed to help with the brain and thinking. And it's supposed to help with sleep. I don't know whether to try it or now. Who do I believe among all the experts?