where to start or what to say? So why am I here? It's been a bizarre week. Last night I decided this must be what ADHD is like. I can't focus and I flit from the couch to the computer to the kitchen and back. I start a project and then frog it. My mind is everywhere. I'm having trouble reading on the Max....finding myself just staring out the window. I just finished "Marley and Me". I found myself sobbing on the way to work and had to stop reading. I decided I had to finish on the way home and as tears flowed down my cheeks, I finished. I always wonder what the people around me are thinking. Or do they even notice? Does anyone care that I'm crying? No.....it's become a cold world.
I left work earlytoday. I woke up this AM a bit confused, but after my shower, I felt OK. I worked in the STD lab and had no problems up until around 11AM when I started feeling ADHD-ish again. I left around 1PM and had lunch. My stomach was OK, but I felt like I'd been punched in the head. I have loud, constant ringing in the middle of my head! Usually it's just in the ears and that's no problem. I'm used to it, but the middle of my head? That's just crazy. I'm so tired, but I couldn't sleep when I got home. Watched TV from bed and finally got antsy and got up. I'm really feeling scared today. I supposed I should call Dr KK, but I won't unless things get worse.
I'm old and ill....no one wants to be with someone like me. I really miss being in a relationship. I miss having someone just to hold me when I don't feel well, someone to rub my back when the pain is getting bad, someone to just tell me it will be all right. Yeah.....I do love my fantasies cuz that's all I've got!
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